Self love essentially is accepting yourself for who you are, including your “imperfections.” It’s treating yourself with respect and being kind to yourself. Be mindful of your self talk, if you wouldn’t say that to your best friend, why are you saying it to yourself? If accepting yourself is proving to be impossible because you believe you’re not attractive enough, you’re too scared to risk the unknown or you deem yourself a failure, then it’s time to get out of your own way! We all slip into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, which generally comes from a place of deep insecurity based on our own interpretations. And if you are doing 600 squats a day and still think you’re not worthy, remember this: being good looking guarantees nothing—not confidence, not happiness, not love. Personality on the other hand, guarantees a lot more and can be your best asset. I love exercising, but I learnt many moons ago that I’m never going to be Elle “The Body” McPherson, so I choose to channel my energy into humour instead. Accepting yourself will not only create a better space to be more vulnerable, open and authentic, it will mean that your friends will become a reflection of how you love yourself.
Loving Yourself First
Sometimes we need to stop the love search and work on loving ourselves first. Finding true love will be easier and more natural and will come in its own time. When we love and respect ourselves we stop looking externally for someone to make us feel better and co-dependency fades, because the love is coming from within. Someone who looks after themselves is less needy and goes with the flow. When you love yourself fully, you become more in tune with your real feelings, trust your intuition and judgement and are more choosy with who you are sharing your energy with.
What is Self-Love Anyway?
Living Fearlessly
Not being afraid to live the life you’ve always dreamed of, and going with it wholeheartedly, requires believing in yourself and being your own cheerleader consistently. It’s about embracing your aspirations with courage and determination, despite any doubts or uncertainties that may arise. Believing in yourself is the cornerstone of pursuing dreams, empowering you to navigate challenges and setbacks with resilience and optimism. When you act as your own cheerleader, you cultivate a supportive inner dialogue that fuels your motivation and sustains your enthusiasm. By nurturing a positive self-image and mindset, you cultivate the resilience needed to persevere through obstacles and setbacks. Ultimately, embracing self-belief and self-encouragement empowers you to live authentically and passionately pursue the life you envision, fulfilling your dreams with courage and conviction.
Being Kind to Yourself
Being kind to yourself involves cultivating a compassionate inner dialogue. When you catch yourself criticising, pause and ask, “Would I say this to my best friend?” If the answer is no, you can slay that negative notion by replacing it with affirmations and reminders of your worth and capabilities. Dust off your crown and place it firmly back on your head, for you are a queen deserving of magnificent respect and abundance. You are now in an exclusive relationship with yourself and you’re going to channel bucket-loads of TLC into the love of your life!
Taking Care of Your Body
Eating well, exercising regularly, staying hydrated, and practicing self-care through pampering, detoxing, and proper nutrition are essential for maintaining overall well-being. Your body is your temple, entrusted to you for this lifetime—take care of it with diligence as you’ve got it for the rest of your life, this lifetime.
Standing Up for Your Beliefs
Having the courage to stand up for what you believe in is like owning a pair of custom-made shoes—perfectly moulded to fit your unique style and swagger. If someone tries to squeeze you into a pair that doesn’t quite match, just say no! You wouldn’t wear ill-fitting shoes, so why wear someone else’s beliefs?
Sharing Your Passion
Being passionate about what makes you come alive is like being a human sparkler—bright, crackling with energy, and impossible to ignore. It’s about finding that thing that lights up your soul and radiating that enthusiasm to everyone around you. Whether it’s art, music, cooking or solving complex puzzles, embracing your passion not only fulfills you but also inspires others to ignite their own inner fires. Passion isn’t just about doing what you love; it’s about living and breathing it, infusing every moment with a contagious zest for life.
Knowing Yourself
Knowing and understanding who you really are is like unraveling the mysteries of a treasure map that leads straight to your authentic self. It involves peeling away layers of societal expectations, past experiences, and external influences to uncover the core essence of your being. It’s about embracing your strengths, acknowledging your weaknesses with compassion, and recognising the unique blend of qualities that define you. This journey of self-discovery isn’t always easy—it requires introspection, courage to confront uncomfortable truths, and a willingness to grow. But with each revelation, you gain clarity, resilience, and a deeper connection to your truest self, paving the way for genuine happiness and fulfilment in life.
Being Vulnerable
Not being afraid to be vulnerable means courageously keeping your heart open, allowing yourself to experience the richness of emotions and connections that life offers. It’s about embracing authenticity and showing up as your true self, even when it feels uncomfortable or risky. By staying open-hearted, you invite deeper relationships, genuine empathy, and personal growth into your life, nurturing a sense of courage and resilience that transcends fear and cultivates meaningful connections with others..
Choosing Happiness
Training your mind to see the positives in every situation is like mastering a delightful mental game of hide-and-seek with happiness. When life throws a curveball, it’s all about deciphering the hidden lessons, like cracking a secret code that unlocks personal growth. Buddhist monks, with their timeless wisdom, have been the OGs of this positivity practice, reminding us that life’s lessons are a lifelong subscription, not a one-time deal. So, embrace the learning process like a private sass (self-assessment), lest you end up as stuck as a stubborn stuck like a heavy piece of furniture that refuses to budge.
Forgiving Yourself
Forgive yourself for past mistakes and embrace gratitude for what you already possess, without succumbing to the pressures of consumerism, where retailers drive us to constantly upgrade to the latest gadgets. This transforms temptation and the urge chase disposable items to a sense of contentment and inner peace with what we have already. It’s about finding joy in simplicity and appreciating the enduring value of what truly matters in life, beyond material possessions. This mindset allows for personal growth rooted in self-acceptance and appreciation of life’s genuine treasures, rather than fleeting desires dictated by trends or commercial influences.
Living According to Your Values
Be very aware of your values and live a life according to them, as this will attract people into your life with a similar mindset. Without self-love, we can be highly self-critical and fall into people-pleasing and perfectionism. Under-selling ourselves is another downfall. I’ve found myself before literally telling people “Don’t ask me, I’m no good at that.” No wonder I didn’t get taken up on the offer, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. We’re more likely to tolerate abuse or mistreatment from others and may neglect our own needs and feelings from self-depreciating. Do you regularly feel guilty and have no boundaries? You may be self-sabotaging and making decisions that aren’t in your own best interest. There is a need to be more assertive, pursue interests that you love and be proud to be you. This isn’t being selfish or narcissistic, it’s a basic human need and is essential to survive in a balanced state.
Social Media and Self-Love
According to a survey by Vitagne, 48% of millennials think social media negatively impacts self love, and research by Huffpost concluded that 1 out of 3 individuals globally have difficulty with accepting or valuing themselves. The internet offers a 9:1 ratio of conflicting advice versus accurate helpful content and in the USA, 16 Billion dollars was spent on cosmetic plastic surgery in 2016, reflecting the lack of self-acceptance among masses. Social media tries to keep us feeling bad about ourselves so that we spend more money on the products and services that are trending.
Starting Your Self-Care Journey
To get started on your self-care journey, identify one loving thing you can do for yourself today, a supportive thought or action. Then write an affirmation that you WILL do this today by a certain time without any ifs or buts. This sets the intention, eases accountability and increases the chances of success. As you continue to bring more positive thoughts and actions to your daily routine, they will start to defeat the sabotaging ones. With practice, self-love will become second nature.
Learn More About Self-Love
If you would like to learn more about self love, I am a Soul Coach and Counsellor in Aspendale. Find out more on my website: www.andreafortune.com.au
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